may 25, 2002
he had sex with a
5/25/2002, 12:18 pm
when i rollin up the coast in the sunshine i aint there is a commercial promoting california positive music with positive movement sushi, sunshine, beaches and beautiful people "next time funk come around big its gonna be a white
5/25/2002, 12:18 pm
when i rollin up the coast in the sunshine i aint
there is a commercial promoting california
positive music with positive movement
sushi, sunshine, beaches and beautiful people
"next time funk come around big its gonna be a white
5/25/2002, 12:51 pm
, in reply to
5/25/2002, 2:23 pm
, in reply to
5/25/2002, 2:46 pm
, in reply to
may 12, 2002
april 26, 2002
if everyone in the world
april 21, 2002
leave the driving to us
greyhound bus lines
april 12, 2002
even god knows you desperate for
march 26. 2002
i wasn't as happy that she won as i was that she
showed people (ok white folx, but really all of us) how to show that you
feel something very deep. i believe there is a power in being the central
focal point of a crowd, and especially in emotionally charged moments.
i felt the same way when cuba gooding accepted his a few years back. im
also very proud of sidney potier. he was an actor i grew up with. denzel
was distinguised and gracious and he was still black. (he was being white
better than the white people LOL) and he is me, he is what i am. i feel
his every gesture. he and halle took public display of honest emotion to
a new level just by being themselves. just by being ourselves. our newselves.
if she is bad, he can't see it
when a man loves a woman, percy sledge
if when we die we go to heaven,
ally, everybody loves raymond
march 16. 2002
when i got back and started my car sade's hang on to your love came on and i was reminded of the mini jam session i had before i left for my venice beach boardwalk walk. i like the guitar riff in this song so much awhile back i actually bought a guitar and wanted to learn how to play it. i checked the tape case to see that your love is king was the song on before this one.
recently while up at my buddy's kickin it sade's old live dvd somehow
made it on to the big screen with surroundsound and having never
seen it i danced and was reminded of a beautiful summer night in an open
amphitheater where i pointed at mars and danced while she sang-
a couple days later me and my buddy was in fry's electronics and sade's dvd no ordinary love was playing on a big screen system.
sade flash frontpage and frames play
march 15, 2002
Hail Mary, full
of grace, the Lord is with thee.
my favorite prayer
march 13, 2002
you don't know like i know
songs we sang in church
march 12, 2002
sometimes i watch people and wonder how they can go thru life keeping so much inside, or if they got anything inside. i wonder what it feels like not to have that connection to one's internal energy/feelings of happiness. ok, its mostly older white more conservative looking people. cause i see it this way; white people evolved in an environment where there was not a lot of sun. places where there is not a lot of sun are cold, harsh and there is not a lot of food. it is a very tough existence, and it would seem that nature is agianst you. more than likely to protect themselves from the environment they lived in caves or small heavily fortified huts. either way, many individuals (single families and multiple families) lived together in close quarters. over time an individual would learn to internalize his feelings as not to disturb others around him. also, how much physical expression occurs in cold climates where a person is always heavily clothed.
i think about people of color evolving in warm and tropical climates where they dont have to live in close quarters (not a lot of protection is needed against the weather so many simple huts could be built allowing single families to have their own). i think about how much more physical expression one can have when he isnt all bundled up for winter and can enjoy the warmth of the sun. this physical expression i equate to dancing and could be driven by an appreciatin for nature- cause where it is warm nature is comfortable, food is abundant and life is fairly easy.
i believe that our brains evolved diferently. during this evolution, people living in warm comfortable climates were generally much more "happier" and "connections" between the part of the brain dealing with happiness were made to other parts of the brain. one creature evolved "happier" and more joyful than another who evolved under harsh conditions. over thousands of years the brain made strong connections between "happiness" and its other parts evolving happiness to be a big part of the physical individual. this is "hard wiring" inside the brain so it cannot be taught, but can be developed overtime. i see this evolution of a strong connection to happiness in the spirit and energy (and rhythm) of people with color. this connection is a channel for emotion to greatly influence the physical body. whereas white people's brain evolved more technical becuase of his need to conquer the environment and survive.
humans need to exercise their feelings of love. it doesnt matter what we love, but maybe due to how love evolved into us we have a need to express and exercise that love. and when we do we may be better functioning creatures. its a fact that when we are in love our body's operate differently because glands stimulate it differently. i exercise my need to love mainly in my lust for life. i am not limited to loving a single person or thing to get this exercise. i have the ability to be in love with life and get that in love feeling from almost everything that i do.
march 11, 2002 (part II)
looking at a list of countries according to income level, i noticed that most of the countries defined as "terrorist" are lower income countries. where the overwhelming majority of the high income countries are caucasin and western. i read that 7 out of 10 people in the world is non white.
like i said im not making excuses for the wealth that we take for granted. i learned something about "entitlement" from a tv show regarding starving people in poor countries. to put it crudely, it says yeah sure they are poor and starving and we are rich and wasteful, but the poor peoples are not entitled to share our wealth. if asked to share we would and do, but they have no right to our foods or wealth. however the united states accumulated its wealth, right or wrong, we have it. it may have been at the expense of other people (actually not "may have", it definitely was) and maybe the united states will pay for its past atrocities sometime in the future. these kind of atrocities have occurred all thru time and maybe even before the evolution of consciousness, so the "whats right and wrong" thing can easily be argued.
and since im ramblin and babblin i saw a show about the middle east on pbs and it was "straight" history. i mean there was no political slant and it told the story by way of historical fact. after watching this i think the united states is in big big trouble. from somalia to the shah of iran to allatolah kholmeni to hussein, the united states has done some seriously bad things. things that it will have to admit to and correct and may still have to pay for. call it karma, but what goes around comes around. dont get me wrong, i love this country. but i dont have to agree with everything or not say bad things cause i do. ok im done for now...
march 11, 2002
yesterday i woke up around 11am cause i went to bed at 4am cause i was out hanging at the club. hanging at mi fave club seeing and hanging out with mi fave local band. it was kinda deep cause it was the one year anniversary of my first ever visit to the temple bar and the group i saw 1 year earlier for the first time has become mi fave local groovers. anywayz, i get up, put on some shorts and sandals, get in the car and head to a spot on pacific coast highway overlooking the ocean. the cool thing i thought about this is that i didnt brush my teeth or wipe my face off or anything. i just basically got up and left. i didnt get caught up in the preparation or worrying how i looked. it was a gorgeous day and a beautiful ride and im at the beach chillin. and i mean im relaxed and chillin, not a care or worry in the world. i sat on the rocks overlooking the ocean and pondered my life. feeling the sun and enjoying the ocean...
i know that my life is good. i know 95% of humans who have ever existed will not have a life that fills them with the joy that mine gives me. the variable here is that what people desire varies greatly, so what i like others may not. but if you list all the things that any individual desires for himself and tally how many of these things he has and doesnt, you can gauge an individuals happiness. i look at my life and there are very very few things that i desire and have not experienced.
also more and more i am loosing my desire to be part of the prevailing social-economic system. the things that are used to motivate people dont motivate me. i am not driven by money, sex, the love of someone or rewards. i believe that certain things are used to "frighten" humans into motivation; fear of failure, fear of poverty, fear of loosing job, etc. i have none of these. the things that our social-economic system uses to "steer" the masses dont work on me. i dont want the latest fads; the newest clothes, the coolest house, the biggest tv. so im not compelled to buy and have, therefore im not compelled to accumulate wealth. to accumulate wealth you must do commerce with an economic system. these systems are run by humans so you must also be social. to be social you must understand and adhere to many unstated social rules. i look at a lot of these rules and just laugh, where other people take them very very seriously.
there is a freedom i have experienced living outside alot of of these rules. a freedom i know most people will never have and could never understand. a freedom so deep that my mind is free of the normal daily stresses a lot of people have. even when i was working my job was good and i had freedoms so this last year and some unemployed has really alowed me to free myself. sometimes i get feelings of such depth that i wonder about the people too bizzy running around "living." i can see people running around just barely surviving and trying to make a living. is that really a life? i see people following social rules and living in a system thats killing them. a system that burdens them with "you should haves" that end in dogma. i see people living their whole lives without really questioning "why?" or "what is it we are here for?" i see people living a life they have no control over and content with just living, dying and not knowing why.
anywayz, this is my first daily in awhile cause i have been really deep thinking a lot of things. one of which is abuse and the human being. im starting to believe that we (and maybe all life) are creatures of function. we must have a function. what happens when a human being gets to a point where he doesnt have a function? where his life is so good and easy that there is no real struggle and or drive for anything. what happens to that creature? what happens to a human being who feels he can get anything he wants, desires nothing, is constantly praised and positively stimulated in everything that he does? where does this human being get his drive and motivation from?
basically, how does the physical human being handle achieving a mental and spiritual nirvana? in our present human form, can homo sapien sapien handle heaven on earth without abusing it?
one other note about our social-econimic system; it is customary to lie in certain situations. i have a lot of trouble tolerating this sometimes. i dont lie and i wont, but there are situations where if you dont lie its almost seen as rude. i read an article that almost stated that not lieing in certain instances was wrong. it all but condoned certain little "white" lieing. this article touched a nerve in me few ever have...
february 17, 2002
Main Entry: beat·nik
february 17, 2002
i saw sumn on tv in an urbanized african city where a group of africans were sending off a group of train travelers. it was like a bon voyage with everybody shaking hands and expressing celebratory joy. i noticed that the africans would cock their hands when they shook hands. and they did a kind of a "soul shake" as opposed to the western caucasin straight hand shake. the africans did it with more of a slapping the hands together. like how we do it here...
this is the first real daily of 2002 and the year is like 50 days old. when i am in deep experience i allow myself to be fully immersed in it and i dont write so much about it. specially when im doing things that are new to me. i guess if im doing things that are new, i dont know enough about them to write about it. and life can take you to higher planes where your whole existence and worldview is changed. so its like life is new all over again cause the things i may have done last week i understand differently and therefore see them differently and therefore react differently. its like everyday of my life is brand new.
february 05, 2002
Posted by jefferyon 2/5/2002, 1:16 pm
february 04, 2002
january 30, 2002
it truly is a good thing
nothing can come between us, sade
january 9, 2002
you are in truth, the truth you seek...
i no longer desire
god shiva, me'shell ndegeocello
i am so proud and in love with my
december 28, 2001
is this not heaven and what more could heaven possibly be?
what if you had such an understanding of life that it eliminated any fear of death. you live your life to the point that you know when its time to die, you will be ready. looking back over your life and being so proud of your experiences that it fills you with joy. thinking about your future excites you.
in our present human form the promise of an eternity as a spirit does not arouse me. in my present speculations, being a spirit would be nothing but feelings and perception. so if all my feelings and perceptions bring me extreme pleasure without any stress and no deep desires, is this not heaven? what more can life itself be?
the promise of a better life after death was used to pacify oppressed